But Michelle, you’re in Costa Rica! That must be amazing! Well let me just explain why it isn’t and never will be, especially for a girl like me. I got 3 hours of sleep last night and have been up since 3:30 traveling. Now we are here and Tyler’s parents want to go out to eat. Meanwhile I’m laying in bed crippled from exhaustion and joint pain. I know I could push myself and go eat with them, but then I would have 0 energy tomorrow and have to miss out on going to the beach and watching him surf and having yummy drinks. Then going out to eat and having a party at our house with family until who knows when, so I couldn’t rest until they’re gone.
I can’t go surfing.
I can’t go snorkeling.
I can’t go paddleboarding.
I can’t go lay on the beach unless I have an umbrella.
I can’t walk anywhere.
I can’t stay up late without majors repercussions (more than just being tired).
I can’t sit on a bus for 6 hours to go ziplining (but I will be anyways).
I can’t do anything. I’m such a drag. I’m not fun at all and I’m bringing everyone else down with me! Now, if I do end up doing those things I said I couldn’t do, please know that it was because this family doesn’t take no for an answer.
These are my future inlaws and they don’t get lupus. They think I’ll be fine hiking in the woods and ziplining. They don’t realize that it’s not my fear or heights, but my fear of using up a weeks worth of energy in a single day! People think I’m tired like they’re tired. IM NOT. It’s crippling, debilitating pain that doesn’t go away the next day. What I do today will affect me tomorrow and the next day at the very least.I’m also terrified that they will think I’m so boring that Tyler deserves better. That’s my ultimate fear. I’m grumpy, grouchy, moody, and boring. He could do a LOT better.
I feel like all my problems are lupus related. Maybe I just blame all my shortcomings on that, but life would be a lot easier without it!
I just wanna be a real girl.